Bailey has just started at nursery, and I am finding the process quite hard. She is so ready in many ways; she is eager to learn, has always been social, and loves spending time with other children. There is no question that I really need the time. Trying to make lovely things to sell, whilst getting Margot all ready, looking after Bailey full time, and trying to sell and buy a house is a lot! The five hours I will eventually get for the two mornings that she will go a week, will get well and truly used.
She spent most of her first morning skipping about, singing “me going to nursery” and saying “me excited.” Whereas I sat on the side of the bath and had a secret cry.
When I said to Bailey “Really going to miss you today” she calmly replied “Don’t worry mummy, I will come home with you.
I felt really caught off guard by my feelings though. Partly because there has been so much going on, that Bailey starting at nursery has snuck up on me a bit. Instead of just focusing on getting through the morning, I started to wonder why I was feeling so sad? This is something I return to again and again, but Bailey starting at nursery is just one more marker that she is growing up. Every time she has a significant moment of development, it reminds me she is no longer a baby.
If I new there was another baby coming around the corner, I think I would be able to get more happiness from these milestones. As it stands though, they just act as a reminder that this might be the last time I do this.
When we got to nursery she had lots of fun… until she realised I was going to leave. Then there were tears. It does not feel good to leave your child crying, especially when you know you could stop it, just by going back and giving them a cuddle.
Week two and she is aware what is happening, and has started to say the very sentence that makes my stomach sink a little for her, “me not want to go to nursery today”. She will also, in the next breath sing, “nursery, me going to nursery”. I feel a bit confused, and it makes me question what is the best thing for Bailey.
When I ask her about her morning at nursery, she seems to have enjoyed her time, but I also get a chorus of “me don’t like you being far away mummy”. Today when we left however, she had changed her tune. Instead of focusing on telling me she’d missed me, she remembered all the fun things she hadn’t done; “I didn’t play in the sandpit mummy, I didn’t do any painting mummy”, so perhaps we are making progress.
The staff at the nursery have been really supportive, and we are having a home visit soon. I think this is a really good idea and am hopeful this will make Bailey feel more comfortable with the nursery workers. We will just have to wait and see.
I know it is still very early days, and I need to give her time to adjust. How both Bailey and I feel about nursery seems to be evolving quite quickly. I just hope she settles soon, and it becomes a happy place. Wish us luck, and good luck to all other mummies & daddies everywhere doing the same thing.